Being married to someone on the spectrum can take an unbelievable amount of patience and understanding. Worse, a lot of our current generation of children will grow up to be adults that have trouble forming lasting relationships. The challenge as the spouse is very little information and help currently exists for marital problems that result as a product of ASD partners. There is a lot of work that has to go into finding a way to meet half way between the needs of the two partners because the needs of one can quickly infringe on the needs of the other. For example, when the neurotypical spouse has a terrible day and end up overly emotional and need their partner to be supportive. The ASD partner might not know what to do at best or worst get overstimulated by the emotional expression of their partner, resulting in little help at best or at worse increasing the emotional stress.
In a therapy meeting once I was told that my spouse was autistic, there was nothing I could do to change it, and I just had to learn to accept it and deal with it. This is not the whole truth by far! Yes there is no cure for autism and you can’t change your partner, but you can get creative and change the environment. Just because a road is blocked to a town does not mean there is not another route to meeting your partner half way. Finding the route isn’t easy. Normally when working on a mutual compromise you can both guide one another because you can put yourself in their shoes. You can’t always do that in this case, and worse many people with ASD do not always have the ability to determine what will actually work for them. As a couple you have to become researchers and experiment on different ways to make it work.
That is what this part of my blog is about. I will share personal experiences of challenges face in my own marriage and the ways we have or are trying to resolve them. Readers are invited and encouraged to ask questions or share issues they maybe having. If I have experienced something similar I can share what I used that worked, and if not I can bring up some suggestions based on experiences and/or research that may help you evaluate your own position from another perspective. This is a place to talk out problems and explore solutions in an environment where people can understand because they have been there. Everyone is welcome to share, however, this is a place for coming up with workable solutions and sharing problems, if you want to blame your spouse save that for venting time with your